As can be expected, my ability to write is greatly diminished right now. And that’s totally fine with me. Self-care first. Instead of putting effort into writing, I’d like to just show you around my world in the last five days.
The Last Day of Pregnancy: February 1, 2017, 41 weeks and 3 days
Birth: February 2, 2017, 1:27 p.m.
Minutes old. Skin to skin.
Life-saver. I suffered a postpartum hemorrhage, but my midwife and nurses were able to control the bleeding within the first hour of delivery. Thank God for modern medicine.
Putting on my Warrior hat to breastfeed after the birth.
Getting ready to leave Family Beginnings, a natural birthing center attached to Miami Valley Hospital in Dayton, Ohio. They. Are. Marvelous.
Temporary living quarters while Doug finishes the baby’s room.
Self-care ain’t pretty sometimes.
Day 2 profile
My viewpoint, post “nap.” So hard to sleep soundly.
Day 3 Profile: Breasts actually feeling milk come in this time. Feeling a bit hopeful in this moment.
Can you see it? Just barely? That is what 20 minutes of pumping yields. It won’t even drain into the vials. Baby has a good latch, but I have to use a shield to get a good latch. But he gets frustrated when hardly anything comes out. Can’t really blame him. Poor guy.
How small, he starts.
Stork bite on right thigh.
Looks just like his sister in the first week. I will show a side-by-side comparison someday.
Day 4: Weaning. As my breasts fill and ache, latching is more difficult and the pump won’t relieve it. I try having him latch without the shield. Awful. So awful. Baby is doing well with formula, and I’m tired of working to overcome these barriers. So I am utterly done with breastfeeding forever. And you know what? That’s okay with me. We’re not having any more kids after this one, so it’s time to stop stressing and just enjoy having a baby.
Day 4 Profile
Nipple shield with last bits of milk still on it.
First doctor’s appointment. Henry receives an excellent bill of health. “You look pale,” says the pediatrician. “You should take iron to help with the breastfeeding.” I tell her that I started the weaning process yesterday and he’s exclusively on formula. “Well, he’s doing great. Can I get you some free cans of formula?” Thank God for choices and supportive pediatricians. I leave without the same feelings of guilt that I had with my first child.
What’s not in these pictures?
All the people who are supporting me.
My husband, who has spent the last month painting and installing lights and shelving in not one, not two, but three bedrooms.
My mother, who has been watching the baby during the day while I have been sleeping and recovering from the blood loss. (I’ve got the night shift.)
My friends, who brought over bagels and scones and muffins on Day 2 and sat with me. Small reassurances that even though crazy things like birth and recovery happen, life goes on. And it’s all beautiful and holy.
My church, who lifted me with their prayers.
The postpartum period can be incredibly isolating and lonely, but all this help has made it just a little easier.
So much beauty in the world.