the writing life | Becoming Mother

July 1, 2018

The Great Exhale (a.k.a Teaching Burns Me Out)

I did something stupid.

For the past two months.

It started with the idea of taking advantage of my benefits as an instructor at my university. Because as a full-time faculty member, I get 100% tuition remission. Which sounds awesome. Except for the fact that when you’re teaching double the number of contact hours (18 hours) that most other faculty members in the university are required to teach (9 hours), you often work more than a full-time job just to stay ahead.

In March, while working with the eLearning department to create some recorded videos for my class using a lightboard, I learned that our university offered courses in “Technology-Enhanced Learning.”

Not only that, I could get a graduate certificate in “Technology-Enhanced Learning.”

For free.

I had already been looking at ways of taking classes in instructional design that wouldn’t cost me much money, but I hadn’t found any free options up until then. And I certainly didn’t know that the very university where I teach offered such classes.

And all of the classes were 100% online. I could do the work whenever I could fit it in my schedule.

It seemed like such a great idea.

And, I rationalized, It’s summer. Enrollment is projected to be pretty low. And I probably won’t be teaching the full 18 hours. So…

I signed up for two on-line classes.

Then, four days before our summer term started…

I was told that I wouldn’t, in fact, have any reduction in hours over the summer. One of my colleagues took an unexpected medical leave, leaving one course that needed to be filled. Instead of teaching two classes, I would be teaching three classes. And I would also be scheduled for tutoring.

During the same time frame as the classes that I would be taking.

A smart person would have dropped at least one of the classes.

Turns out, I’m not such a smart person sometimes.

I’m a bit of a maniac. Or a glutton for punishment, depending on how you look at it.

Well, I thought. Buckle up, everyone. Life is about to get bananas.

burnout

***

May and June were an absolute blur this year. Most of my days started at 4:15 a.m. (so I could run or do PiYo) and ended at 8:00 p.m., leaving my husband to put our older daughter to bed. But it’s still light out! I would hear her protest through my earplugs. (Yep. Still wearing those. Oh, and an eye mask. Because at 8:00, it’s still 90 minutes away from sunset in the summer.)

I worked on classes in small bursts whenever I had time throughout the day, which wasn’t that often or very predictable. Two of my very best friends came over on Saturdays/Sundays to watch the kids just so I could have some concentrated time to sit down and work on the class projects that required full, uninterrupted attention.

I also researched and wrote four proposals for conferences next year: MEXTESOL (1), Ohio TESOL (1), and TESOL International (2).

I also worked with a colleague on a paper that we’re submitting to an academic journal.

Sometimes, part of me thinks, Why? What are you doing? Just function in first gear for a while, for the love of God.

Then, the other, louder part of me says, There is no better time than now. Things are not going to get easier. Free classes in something that you’re way interested in? Lean in and be the badass that I know you are.

And so, I have been leaning in a whole lot this year.

***

The Final Boss of this summer was the last week of classes and my final exams. And not because of all the additional deadlines and grading that awaited me.

It was because of the fact that my husband traveled to Monterey, California (poor thing) to present at a radar conference. For the whole week.

You know what’s not so fun? Getting two young kids to school with lunches and diapers and sheets and sunscreen by 7:00 a.m. so you can be to work by 7:45.

I have to admit, it was my turn at this. He took care of the kids while I presented at TESOL 2018 in Chicago and was gone for four days. I remember when I came home, the look on his face that said, I need to go for a long drive by myself for a while.

But it didn’t make it any easier.

Especially when the toddler’s occasional morning poop explosion turned into a five-day streak of progressively more disgusting poop explosions at 6:00 a.m. that peaked in impressiveness (seemingly with the fullness of this month’s moon?).

Nothing quite like your toddler beaming with pride as he hands you his blanket that he’s been holding so tightly…

All covered in poop juice.

Here you go, Mama! You’re welcome!

***

But now, The Great Exhale has come.

I finished those two classes. (And I’ve started one more, to run another six weeks.)

I’m done teaching classes for this academic year. (It’s a full two months after all other faculty in the university have been dismissed for the summer… I’ll just leave that there.)

I turned in my final exams, submitted my grades, cleaned my desk, hugged my office mates, packed up my Erma Bombeck “You Can Write” mug, and rolled out of the parking lot, music blaring.

Quite honestly, I think I’ve stuck with teaching because of the summer break. As much as I fell in love with teaching ESL and learning from my students, the job really takes its toll on you.

Fall semester isn’t so bad. I can do four months back-to-back when I know Christmas break is around the corner.

I can do it if I take in one big, long breath.

But in the six-month stretch from January to July, I find myself (quite predictability, perhaps) gasping for breath by mid-May. I’m just sooo done. Done with the manic planning-everything-for-this-new-course-that-you-need-to-teach-just-days-before-a-term starts, pondering the next lesson, the next quiz/test, is everything copied for tomorrow, did I post the homework for that class, and what about that class, the student tracking, the student tracking, the student tracking. Emails about information missing from the student tracking. Emails about my plans to professionally develop myself. I must have goals for myself, after all. And they must be measurable and demonstrated. Performance reviews that leave me wondering if any of my exceptionally good work is recognized at all. (I could tell stories… But I’ll just leave this there.)

I think you get the point. Just sooo done.

And at that point, there’s still another six weeks to go.

To be clear, I am grateful that I have a job.

I’m even more grateful that I have the time off.

But that doesn’t change the fact that I know how vastly underpaid I am for my education and experience when I talk with my peers who are engineers or program managers, or even teachers in public schools. (Not private charter schools, though. That’s what happens when teachers aren’t unionized.)

Trade-offs, I guess.

***

So here we are. Another summer awaits me and I’ve got plans. Here are some of the things on my plate, each included to help me fill my cup before I have to go back and pour it all out again for next year’s students.

Web design and development class (online)
More videos for our YouTube channel : Smoked pulled pork, a breakfast series, and possible a series on different sauces, soups, and dressings.
Looking into creating an on-line course through Teachable for specialty sausage-making. Because, yeah, there are probably a good number of organic, food conscious hipsters who would totally pay us a nominal fee to learn how to make sausage in fifteen different flavors. (Tandoori or bulgogi or loukaniko sausage, anyone?)
Knitting something for Felicity for her first day of kindergarten (Because I haven’t knitted anything since Henry was born. And I have a kid who’s starting kindergarten?)
Losing the last four pounds (I’m on a roll, baby.)
Watching a series of lectures from Open Yale Courses, African-American History 162 by Dr. Jonathan Holloway. (Because it’s important at this point in our history.)
Reading books:

(Side Note: We saw WellRED Comedy–the three-man group who wrote Liberal Redneck Manifesto–when they came to Dayton. So worth the cost of tickets and babysitting. If you’ve never even heard of the Liberal Redneck video that started it all, you have got to check out Crowder’s video that went viral about the transgender bathrooms ridiculousness from several years ago.)

Experimenting with new graphic design software that came with my new pen and tablet purchase. What do you think of this?

I used two pre-sets here: “Modern Painting” and “Pencil sketch.” (Using Clip Studio.)

And with this new pen and tablet, I can do awesome things like this,

Imagine that sped up to take only five seconds total. Overlay it on an image.

So much I want to do.

Let it all begin.

2 Comments

July 5, 2017

The Big Summer Project: A YouTube Channel (and some baby pictures… and a baby on a motorcycle)

For six weeks in the summer, we continue to send the kids to daycare and I finally have time to sink my teeth into a big, creative project.

In 2014, that project was writing my first book.

In 2015, it was publishing my first book.

2016 was a bit weird. It was mostly riding the roller-coaster of early pregnancy, dabbling in writing a short young adult novel, and (admittedly) watching a lot of Netflix.

This year, the big creative project is a new YouTube Channel, featuring instructional cooking videos.

Not recipes. Think techniques.

For years, I’ve watched my husband make simple, delicious, and healthy meals. And he can do it without covering everything in butter, cheese, and ranch dressing. He cooks a large meal on Sunday night. It’s usually a huge pot of rice, some vegetables, and grilled, baked, or roasted meat. Then, he portions it out into containers that we take to work.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heated up a meal that he makes and my co-workers have been like, “Mmm… What’s that?”

This guy is talented. The food is delicious. And he understands food chemistry and can give the best advice about how to prepare food. (And did I mention that another one of his hobbies is photography?)

But he’s not great at the storytelling aspect (although, I think he’ll learn easily).

Oh. And he detests social media.

So that’s where I come in. (And did I mention that I’ve got experience with video editing?)

I remember one night when we had a group of Doug’s friends over at our apartment for a dinner party, probably six or seven years ago, and someone said, “Doug should have his own YouTube channel!”

Our response was mostly, “Ha ha. Someday, maybe.”

“No seriously. He should have a channel.”

“Yeah, okay. Not right now.”

But have you seen YouTube lately? It’s integrated with Google now. It’s getting incredibly easy to get started.

I don’t think we can put it off anymore.

So that’s what I’m working on this summer. I have never done something like this before.

But hey. That’s never stopped me before.

Also on the summer dockett:

I’m hoping to release Henry’s birth story as a Kindle single, probably for $0.99 to help me recoup some of the time spent on writing it. It’s a powerful story, but nothing book-length. Stay tuned for more on this.
I also have three academic publications that are in the works right now. All of them are related to an intercultural communication program that I helped design and facilitate with our university’s Department of Teacher Education. One will be published on University of Dayton’s eCommons. One will be in the TESOL Intercultural Communication Interest Section Newsletter. And the last one will (hopefully!) be with the on-line, peer-reviewed journal, Dialogues: An Interdisciplinary Journal of English Language Teaching and Research.
I seriously need to go through some boxes of old photographs and letters that my mom gave me two years ago. I’ve been dubbed the designated family chronicler, so I’ve got to make some decisions about what stays and what goes. I know the boxes are sticking in my husband’s craw.

And hey, Henry is now officially in the sweet spot of babyhood: post-newborn and pre-mobile.

June 2017 3

June 2017 4

June 2017: Baptism (Doesn’t look too thrilled)

June 2017 1

It was Splash Friday at daycare. Thus. the swimsuit.

And how about a baby on a motorcycle?

So hang on to your Harleys.

It’s going to be a busy summer.

September 27, 2016

Week 23: Practicing Generosity

candle_light_quote

Last week, I wrote about practicing gratitude.

And if you’re truly practicing gratitude, generosity is sure to follow.

In the whole first year of my book’s publication, I sold about 150 copies.

Last week, I gave away 309 copies.

***

Let me explain.

Last year, I learned the Number # 1 Lesson of baby fairs and expos.

Everyone is coming for FREE stuff.

To try to convince someone to buy something at these events is almost impossible.

People were so confused when they would walk up to my table, their eyes searching for what they were going to walk away with. Hmmm… papers with words on them… Some books on book stands… Their fingers would slowly trace the tablecloth, their brains registering the fact that…

I really had nothing.

What I had were fliers, cards, and pamphlets with information on something that I wanted them to buy.

Ha.

All the other vendors had enormous bowls of candy (regardless of the season) or little goodie bags filled with free magnets, pens, and pamphlets. The smart ones also had a clipboard to collect email addresses for “a chance to win this diaper bag” or basket of baby books, or whatever.

Smart.

So this year, my approach at this past weekend’s baby fair was quite different.

I gave away my book. For free.

Kindle Direct Publishing allows me to run a free book promotion every three months. The dates of the most recent period coincided perfectly with a local hospital’s community baby fair. So I scheduled my promotion to run for three days, from Saturday, September 24th to Monday, September 26th.

I decided that I would give out half-sheets of paper with directions about how to get their free Kindle copy of my book. At the bottom of that half-sheet of paper, I politely asked for their Amazon review if they enjoyed the book. I also invited them to follow my blog by email.

Then, I told them to enjoy the book.

Their eyes lit up, their eyebrows arched.

“Wow. Thanks!”

“Awesome!”

“I’ll get it tonight!”

***

I didn’t advertise the free book promotion at all until Sunday, September 25th. I thought there might be a few people who would come across my book and download it on September 24th, but my main reason for beginning on this day was to have a buffer period for things to go wrong (i.e., Hey, why isn’t my promotion showing up on Amazon???) before the actual date when I need the promotion to be working.

So imagine my surprise when I checked on Sunday morning to see how many free Kindle books had already been downloaded.

97.

97 Kindle books.

I wasn’t sure I was reading the graph right. I read it and reread it. I put my finger on my laptop screen and touched the line.

kdp

Holy shit.

Who were these people? Was there some special link that Kindle readers follow to immediately download new free Kindle books?

Whatever the reason, I felt incredibly grateful.

No, I’m not making any money. In fact, I’m still about $1500 in the hole for my accrued publishing and marketing costs.

But, hey.

By the end of this promotion, I had reached 309 new potential readers. Some of them will actually read the book. Some of them will recommend it to others. And some of them might even buy a copy for a friend.

Generosity makes the world go round.

Maybe giving away all of these books will lead to this book’s next big break.

Maybe it won’t.

But I feel certain that some new mom out there will end up with this book in her hands and feel comforted by its message.

And that makes the whole endeavor worth it.

5 Comments

August 4, 2016

Self-Publishing Costs and Benefits

scales

I don’t know how many copies of Becoming Mother I truly expected to sell on its release date.

Maybe 20? That could as least cover some of the costs that I’ve shelled out of the last few months. Yeah, 20 seems reasonable. Okay, maybe 15.

When I checked that evening around 10:00 p.m., I braced myself.

One.

One copy.

Really?

***

Success in publishing can be measured in a lot of ways.

Before I published this book, I braced myself for how the whole publication process might affect my own feelings of accomplishment and self-worth. Anyone who knows me knows that it’s easy for me to take criticism too close to heart. I have to mentally prepare myself for any heartless comments that may come my way.

I knew that by taking on the challenge of self-publishing, I was putting the responsibility for book promotion and sales entirely into my own hands.

I’m inviting you behind the curtain today, to show what self-publishing has been like in this first year post-publication. The nuts and bolts. The costs and benefits. The frustrations and joys.

Here we go.

Summary of Expenses

Cover design: $200
ISBNs: $300
NetGalley listing: $400
Booth fees for selling events: $400
Wholesale copies of book: $516
Facebook ads: $130
Book award contests: $240
IBPY Catalogue listing: $230
Misc: $285

Books sold, August 2015-August 2016:

Printed (through Amazon): 70
Printed (in-person sales): 37
Kindle: 39
KENFP earnings (by Kindle pages read): 3,107 pages
Total copies sold: 146

Earnings: approximately $900

Book reviews published:

Burrito Buzz, MothersAlwaysWrite, Project: Women
Amazon reviews in August 2016: 15 different buyers

Countries where my book has been sold:

United States, Great Britain, Japan, Australia

Blog Stats

Blog followers in August 2015: 45 followers
Blog followers in August 2016: 421 followers
Total blog views: 11,407
Total blog visitors: 6,814

Most visited posts/pages:

Other publications that have helped to promote my writing:

Kiwi Magazine
MotherAlwaysWrite
Project: Women
Imperfect Life
Fearless Formula Feeder

A lot of people could scoff at me for choosing the “easy way” to publication. I would scoff right back at them and say, “Easy? Are you kidding me?”

The only “easy” quality about it is that I didn’t have to spend the time flirting around to find an agent who might be interested enough in my work to get it in the hands of an editor at a publishing house, who might actually want to take the risk of publishing my work, who might not completely change my vision. In that sense, I was able to spend more time in honing the quality of my work and deciding exactly how I wanted to market the book.

Self-publishing wasn’t the easiest way to publish. But it did help me accomplish a few goals:

I was able to publish this work while I am still a mother of a young child. This helps me identify with my readers.
I had total control over my content, organization, and book layout.
I had immediate access to my sales records–so I could know when certain promotions were working or not working.
I retained my rights over my creative work.
Interested readers could easily access and purchase my book through Amazon.
I was able to market this book however I saw fit.

Some of the things that I did to market this book flopped. Some things worked well. Here’s what I’ve learned. Take it or leave it.

Do not do a Goodreads giveaway with the expectation that the winners will actually review your book. They just don’t. If you want to do a Goodreads giveaway, just do it out of the goodness of your heart and be thankful that someone who is not part of your regular social circles may read your book.

Facebook ads didn’t really produce many sales. Maybe they get your book cover in front of eyes and lead to a few clicks, but it never made a huge difference in sales for me. This was mostly wasted money, I thought.

Don’t be afraid to charge a fair price for your book.

Sometimes your buyer isn’t your reader…

Selling events are great… for figuring out how to market your book. They might not be great for actually selling that many books.

Instead, do these things:

1.) Above all: KEEP WRITING.

If you’re really a writer, this will not be hard at all. You love to do it anyway. You love it even though it doesn’t pay the bills. You love it even though you are rejected over and over and over again. You. Just. Love it.

2. ) Promote your most trafficked blog posts through Facebook promotions. (Hint: Being vulnerable often leads to highly trafficked blog posts. This means that you write about the tough stuff.)

3.) Blog. Regularly. But…

… save some stellar work to submit to other literary magazines or websites who are looking for original, unpublished work.

Find other places to submit your writing and submit often. Take the rejection. Take all of it because there will be a lot. Swallow your pride and keep going. You’re in this for the long haul.

Follow other people’s blogs.
Identify tags for posts that appeal to your target audience.

(For me, this meant following tags like pregnancy, motherhood, writing, baby, and parenting.)

Like and comment on other people’s posts.
Respond to every comment on your blog.

4.) Embrace the Power of Social Media

Disclaimer**: I was born in 1981, the very beginning of the Millenial Generation, and God, it shows. I graduated college before the advent of Facebook and smartphones, so I have a weird mix of social media literacy and social media repulsion. And yet… I cannot deny that it has helped me reach readers that I otherwise would never have reached.

Blogging has helped me connect with readers in Australia. Facebook has helped me promote my book to Facebook friends and friends of those friends.

I have not walked through the dark, dark threshold of Twitter yet. I fear I might never return. I have too doggone much to keep track of, so I limit myself to Facebook and blogging.

Establish an on-line presence through social media.
Create a Facebook page for your book and regularly update it with new blog posts, book reviews, book progress, and other related readings that you find noteworthy.
Like other Facebook pages for websites and books that are related to your topic.
Start interacting with other bloggers whose work you admire. Comment on their posts. Follow their blogs. Like their Facebook page. Then, see if they are open to receiving a free copy of your book and reviewing it. Graciously accept whatever review they create, be it positive or negative.
Attend writer’s conferences and workshops. Network. Learn about their writing, their blogs, and their books. Help them out and they’ll help you out. Oh, and while you’re there, learn about writing.

Be honest. Be authentic. Be you. No one wants a martyr. No one wants a superhero. People want authenticity. They want to see you down in the mud where they are–but they also want to see you climb out of it and shine.

Shine on, fellow writers.

Shine on.

11 Comments

March 13, 2016

The Next Book

About a year ago, in the middle of January, I was trying to fall asleep and out of nowhere, a sentence came to me.

Just one line. A line of dialogue.

It tugged at me. It kept me up.

Who said this line? Why did they say it? Where were they? What were the stakes?

In his book, On Writing, Stephen King compares the process of writing a good story to the process of unearthing a fossil. You see part of the story peeking out of the ground–then you unearth the story by asking the right questions. You don’t imagine a bunch of independent, isolated pieces lying on top of the earth and then try to fit them all together.

You start with one piece–then you see what’s already attached to it.

So that’s what I did. I got out a notebook and I started answering those questions.

And a story emerged.

A long story.

Long enough for three books.

I stared down at my notes and thought, I don’t have time for this. I’ve got to finish this book I’m working on right now. When am I going to find time to write another book, let alone three? I’ve got a job. And a toddler.

writing

Still, the story wouldn’t go away. As I drove to work, the plot, the characters, and their motivations took shape. As I listened to music in my car, and I could see critical scenes playing out before me as I drove, much like a movie trailer. One morning while on a short vacation with friends, I got up at 5:30 and spent two hours writing out the first five major scenes.

But then I got stuck. I couldn’t see past a major conflict. I couldn’t figure out how to resolve the conflict in a way that fit with the characters.

So I put it away. I finished the book I was working on. I learned how to publish, how to market, and how reach new readers. I spent time blogging and writing essays to submit for publication elsewhere.

But the story wouldn’t go away.

***

My husband put several books in my stocking for Christmas this year. One of them was Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic.

big magic

I wasn’t ready to read it at first. I was still working through the grief of miscarriage. But within a week, I decided it was time to allow myself to cultivate my creativity again. It was my creativity, after all, that had saved me, time and time again.

In Gilbert’s book, she articulates a belief that ideas come to people, almost like a kind of spiritual possession. And if the person doesn’t try to bring forth the idea to the world, it will move on, seeking someone else to bring it to light.

What a bunch of mystical bullshit, I thought.

But I kept thinking about the story that I had told to wait. I couldn’t deny that it was still lingering there in the deep recesses of my brain. It was like a puzzle that I couldn’t figure out.

So I dug out my notes about the story and the twelve pages that I wrote a year earlier and I read them.

As I moved through the pages I was swept up in the story that my previous self had written. Whose voice was this in these pages? Who wrote this? I know I did, but this doesn’t sound like me at all. It truly felt like I was reading someone else’s great idea.

But I still couldn’t figure out how to resolve the major conflict.

***

This last week, I had coffee with a good friend, Cate. She asked me if I had any desire to write fiction again. I rolled my eyes and shrugged, “You mean besides that one book that I can’t figure out?”

“What book?” she asked.

It occurred to me that Cate was a fresh audience with whom I’d never shared the concept of this book.

I told her everything that I knew. She listened, her eyebrows lifting in interest in all the right places. I had to backtrack a few times to clarify plot lines and motivations, but she stuck with me the whole time. As she asked me questions, I could feel the gears clicking into place again, the story starting to open up and move.

As I drove home, I started to re-imagine the story. What if this… What if that…

I jotted some more notes down in a new notebook. I scribbled out the plot arcs for all three books. Oddly enough, the most logical and motivating place for me to begin was with the second book.

And so that’s where I’ll begin.

***

After this experience, I can’t totally write off Elizabeth Gilbert’s premise, that ideas knock on our doors, asking for us to bring them to light.

Because where did this first line of dialogue come from?

I have no idea.

While I can rationalize the experience of unearthing the fossil of this story question by question, I cannot rationalize where that first spark of curiosity came from. I can attribute my own imagination as the source that fleshed out the answers to all the questions that surrounded this line of dialogue.

But where did that first line of dialogue come from?

I know it didn’t come from me.

Damn you, Elizabeth Gilbert.

But also bless you, for convincing me to not give up on the idea that wouldn’t go away.

Now the hard work begins.

17 Comments

December 18, 2015

Milestone # 1: 100 books sold!

While writing a book is hard, publishing and marketing a book–at least for me–is harder. Writing put me in the driver’s seat. I was calling the shots. I could craft and mold the future success of my book by the decisions that I was making.

But once my book became consumable, something for people to hesitantly pick up and flip through, something for people to silently judge and turn down, all my control was gone. The success of my book is now (mostly) out of my control. While I can present it in the best light possible, it’s ultimately the buyer’s decision.

I wasn’t expecting to sell 500 books in the first few months of publication. I made my goal more attainable.

100 books.

That was how many I wanted to sell by the end of the year.

In October, I wasn’t so sure it was going to happen. Around mid-September, after the dust had settled from the initial rush of its release, I had sold about 55 books. October was a slow month. I didn’t have any sales events scheduled until the end of November, and I began to wonder how I was going to keep my sales going when I wasn’t pitching the book in person.

So I turned my attention to this blog. I started reading and commenting on other pregnancy and motherhood blogs. I started following other bloggers and liking their posts.

And you know what? My sales started climbing again.

I couldn’t believe it.

It wasn’t costing me anything (besides my time) to engage with other bloggers on-line, and blogging was paying off just about as much as it was for me to pay booth fees, sell in person, and pitch over and over again to complete strangers. So I kept at it. I kept writing throughout November. Good, solid content like “To the Syrian mother of triplets, fleeing from ISIS” and “The things you can’t leave behind.”

Throughout October and November, I noticed that I started reaching readers in other countries: Canada, Australia, and Great Britain. Although I can’t be sure that these sales came from blogging, I’m fairly certain they did.

So while I thought that direct in-person sales would lead to the most sales, I have been happily disappointed.

But in-person selling hasn’t been a waste of time. And I definitely recommend it for other writers. In-person selling has helped me to make contacts, network with others, increase my book’s visibility, and develop my own confidence and pitching skills. I know how to talk about my book to different audiences in under a minute. I know that many of my buyers are not new mothers. They are the family and friends of the new mother who are looking for a unique gift for the new mother. I have learned that some of my biggest buyers are women in their 50s and 60s whose daughters are expecting their first babies.

I have also been happily surprised in this journey of publishing.

In mid-November, I checked my sales and I did a double-take at the number of total sales. Usually, I sell about one or maybe two copies per week. When I looked over the details, I saw that I had sold six copies in one day. To whom? I have no idea. Since I didn’t sell as many copies in the days before or after that day, I thought it must have been a single buyer. Was it a book club purchase? That would be nice.

But it was someone who was willing to plop down $78 for six printed copies.

I can’t think of a greater compliment.

***

Interested in getting your own copy of Becoming Mother?

3 Comments

November 30, 2015

Christmas Promotion: “Becoming Mother” $0.99 Kindle Book, 11/30 only!

If you’re a first-time mother (or father!), I wrote this book for you.

This book isn’t about the baby.

It’s about the mother.

It’s about the huge physical, emotional, and psychological challenges that she faces every day as she struggles to be a mother. Not only is it great for first-time mothers, it’s awesome for new fathers and for friends who don’t have kids, but want to have an idea of what new mothers experience.

But I’d prefer to let you read what others are saying about this book. Check out these reviews below:

Dana Schwartz, Writing at the Table

http://danaschwartzwrites.com/2015/11/02/becoming-mother/

Tara Tona, Project: Women

http://thisisprojectwomen.com/2015/11/20/book-review-becoming-mother-by-sharon-tjaden-glass/

You can download the Kindle version of Becoming Mother: A Journey of Identity for only $0.99, (normally $6.99) on Monday, 11/30/2015 only!

On Tuesday, 12/1, you can purchase it for $2.99.

On Wednesday, 12/2, you can purchase it for $4.99.

Spread the word!

November 28, 2015

Hara Arena: Dayton Time Machine

When I walked into Hara Arena to set up my booth for the National Holiday Gift Show, I wondered how it was possible that a place like this still exists.

You don’t have to look far to find glaring examples of how badly this place needs to be renovated.

From the graffiti-ed ceiling…

Hara Arena pics 2015 001

To the flat-out gaping holes over the bathroom stall…

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To the electric (occasionally cobwebbed) 1970s chandeliers…

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To the concessions stand that makes me want to roller-skate up to the window and ask for some nachos…

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To the decorations that look like that scene in The Wedding Singer (the one where Adam Sandler totally loses it)…

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This place just flat-out makes me sad. Has it ever been renovated since it opened in 1964? Highly doubtful.

You don’t need a time machine to go back to the 60s. You just need to come to Hara. I dare say that many of the shoppers have aged along with the building.

Hara_Arena

At first, you kind of wonder if everyone is blind to how decrepit this place is. But it’s amazing how much a well-designed booth can distract customers from the reality of being surrounded by a crumbling ceiling and dirty, water-stained walls (or are they stained with nicotine? I guess that’s possible too, considering how old this place is).

I don’t have much of a personal history with Hara Arena. My parents didn’t really take us to any public events when I was growing up in the 1980s in Dayton. (It could be been a financial issue, but I think it’s more likely that they just didn’t want to spend their energy corralling five kids in public. Grocery shopping with us was bad enough.)

Because I’ve never seen how awesome this place once was, I’m more likely to see how awful this place is today.

Hara was once a hot spot, the place where people came to watch a number of sports team (Dayton Jets, Dayton Gems, Dayton Bombers, etc) until they all left for different, hotter venues. In some respects, Hara seems to be a tale of a tragic love story. Once the hottest, coolest little number in town, perhaps Hara developed an undeserved sense of importance, born mostly out of the lack of competition of any other venues in town. Like a vain lover, perhaps Hara thought it didn’t need to change. If people thought that other places were cooler or more attractive, well then, fine. Go there.

I know how awesome I am… Hara may have thought.

But it’s not a secret that this place is struggling. Recent financial cutbacks have decreased their full-time staff to just 12 people.

Perhaps that’s why it took so long for the staff to turn off the blaring, crackling white noise over the loudspeaker (I think it was supposed to be Joy to the World? But who could tell?). Perhaps they had laid off the person who knew how to work the sound system.

So I guess renovations are out of the question.

But it makes you wonder how long this place will remain open.

In the meantime, I just feel sorry for this place.

November 27, 2015

Live from Black Friday Book Selling

So I’m selling my newly published book at Hara Arena in Dayton, Ohio for the next three days.

A disclaimer: Selling like this makes me feel uncomfortable. As I’ve said before, selling like this makes me feel like *I* am on sale. This is a memoir, a book about my life.

So I tried to take the first comment of the day in stride.

An older man, a fellow exhibitor, walked by my booth as the doors were just about to open. He sized up my book and said, “Is this a book about being a mom?”

I said, “Well, it’s a book about becoming a mom.”

“Okay…”

He looked around my table.

“Is that all you have? Just the book?”

“Yep.”

“Hmm…”

Long silence.

I know that this booth is a bit out of place. There are hardly any items on the table.

National Holiday Gift Show 001

Just a small stack of books and a display of items for the gift set.

“Interesting…”

“Thank you,” I said.

“This isn’t really a reading crowd, but… good luck to you.”

Geez, Dude. Thanks for the pick-me-up.

Okay, so I’m more than a bit out of place.

I’m surrounded by far more exciting booths: a posh clothing boutique decorated with all things Parisian, a booth dripping with jewelry, and I swear to God, an Ohio State Football booth, manned by an actual Ohio State Football player (his jersey says “Cotton?”).

The doors opened at 9:00 and I debated in my head about whether or not it would be better to sit or stand.

I tried standing, looking out at the people passing by and saying hello.

Most of them didn’t want to make eye contact. Or they missed me completely as they darted to the Ohio State booth. I smiled. I said hello. I smiled. I said hello. Hello. Good morning.

Oh! Someone with a baby! Get her! Oh… she’s gone.

Look at all of them around the Ohio State booth. God, they can’t get enough of it.

No one here is going to buy this book. Look at all of them. He’s right. No one here reads…

Okay, maybe standing isn’t working. Maybe I should try the disinterested approach.

I sit down and start typing away on my computer.

At least I don’t have to be bored while I tailspin into low self-esteem.

***

At least there are a lot of people here. There is a steady stream of people passing by my booth.

While I’ve been writing this, a woman stopped by my table and said that she wished she would have known about this book a little sooner. Her niece just had a baby on Monday.

“Oh, really? This is actually even better for her now that she’s had the baby. This book goes all the way to the end of the first year postpartum.”

Her eyebrows lifted. She thumbed through the book as we chatted.

She eyed the price, the purchasing options. I told her that I was selling the gift set today and that if she wanted just the book she could get it on Amazon for a bit cheaper.

“I’ll think on it.”

I offered her my card and she smiled as she took it.

We said good-bye.

Oh well… I thought.

I resumed typing away on this blog post and noticed someone staring at my table.

We struck up a conversation. Her daughter is expecting a baby next April. I pitched her the book.

She bought a copy.

More to come…

1 Comment

October 14, 2015

Sisterhood of World Bloggers Award

I’ve reached a milestone–my first nomination for a blogging award.

Yes, I know this is a polite nod in my direction and won’t truly bring me fame or fortune (have I ever really wanted that anyway?). But I’ll happily oblige and pass the baton along.

My nominator is Rasha from The Tuna Chronicles. She recently had a post published (“Confessions of a Reformed Helicopter Parent“) on Scary Mommy–quite an accomplishment!

Here are Rasha’s questions to me and my responses:

What is the last song you played on your iPod, iPad, iPhone, [insert name of music playing device here]? Be honest now…

I’m probably one of the few people left in the world who doesn’t have an iAnything. I still make mix CDs to play in my 2003 Civic. I have a whole routine here: I listen to Pandora for 4 months and “like” the songs that strike me. Then, when the season starts to change, I go back to my like list and generate a new CD to match the next season. And you know what? When I hear one of these songs, I know exactly the season in which I listened to it in my car.

I just started my Fall 2015 CD. And the last song that I listened to this morning before I parked my car was “Death is the Road to Awe” by Clint Mansell. It’s an instrumental piece from Darren Aronofsky’s 2006 film, “The Fountain.” Here’s a nice rendition of the song, set to clips from the movie.

Hey, you asked.

Why did you start blogging?

I wrote a book…

and I needed a way to connect with my readers.

I also had a lot of ideas that didn’t really belong in the book, and this blog gives me space to develop and share those ideas.

My writing typically lifts up a concept to see what’s hiding underneath. Sometimes, I turn things inside out. Sometimes, I take the opposing position. I want to take my readers on a journey. I want to re-examine what we dismiss as simple–or simplify what we think is too complicated.

I don’t want readers to be able to click on my posts and immediately know where I will take them. Not every post has a happy ending–because life often doesn’t have happy endings. And despite what media teaches us, that’s okay. That’s normal. When our stories don’t have happy endings, we shouldn’t let it diminish our ability to see beauty in life. Finding beauty in unhappy moments is a skill that we develop over time. It makes us resilient. It makes us wiser.

Are you a “same-breakfast-every-day” kinda gal, or the type that mixes it up? If the former, what is your go-to breakfast?

Same breakfast everyday. This is it.

My husband makes 12 cups of this at a time, divides it among Rubbermaid containers, and then we each pull one out to eat in the morning. We add berries. I go nuts and add cashews (pun intended). Our daughter also loves this stuff. I don’t have a problem with gluten, but my husband does (along with a whole list of other things). But he cooks for me, so I inadvertently end up eating very healthy because of his allergies (no cheese, no milk, no butter, no chocolate, no shrimp, and on and on).

What (or who) will always make you smile, no matter what?

This. Particularly minute 3:00-4:00.

Who is someone that inspires you?

Ashlee Gadd, founder of Coffee + Crumbs.

She writes for and coordinates an amazing collaborative blog on motherhood that continually puts out post after post that strikes the right emotional chords. And she does so as a mother of two young children.

What do you never leave the house without?

My shoes? My keys?

Your magic genie is going to grant you any superpower you like – what’s it gonna be?

Healing.

If you had 48 hours to yourself, what would you do?

Write. Read. Take naps.

What picture do you have on your phone wallpaper?

This.

What is your favorite thing about blogging?

Reading comments from readers, especially on the powerful posts in which I’ve invested a lot of time and energy, but which don’t attract the most clicks. Here are two examples: Giving Grief a Voice and The Hunger for September 11th.

My most visited posts have attracted a lot of gawkers (like On Natural Childbirth), but not necessarily much engagement. The funny thing about “On Natural Childbirth” was that it attracted over 300 visitors in 2 days, mostly from Facebook… but only 6 people “liked” the post on Facebook. It seemed like people were eager to read what I had to say, but not eager to admit that they had read it. That’s why I use the word “gawker.”

And now I pass the nominations for some blogs that I truly enjoy:

Project Women (check out their Monday Menageries!)
Writing at the Table
I Beat Infertility…Now What?
Kind and Simple Blog
Haute Mommy Handbook
Where is My Glow?
Through My Mistakes

Nominees, if you’d like to participate, here are the rules:

Thank the blogger who nominated you, linking back to their site
Put the award logo on your blog
Answer the ten questions sent to you
Make up ten new questions for your nominees to answer
Nominate seven other blogs (let them know!)

And here are my questions for you:

What has been your most visited post on your blog and why do you think people flocked to it?
What is the best way to spend $50 (and yes, you have to spend it!)?
Where do you usually write? What does your space look like?
What is the funniest thing your child/children have done recently?
What kind words would you share with a first-time expecting mother?
Why did you start blogging?
What types of blogs catch your attention?
Someone brought you your favorite snack and it is…
Coffee, tea, or something else?
You can solve one global problem. What is it?

3 Comments

Tag: the writing life

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