Day after Thanksgiving.
Sitting on the floor with one of my legs pinned over my baby’s chest, the other leg over his legs, making a human cage. Because this is the only way I can change the diaper of a child that can flip and crawl away from me.
And he’s screaming.
That eardrum-piercing shriek that cries out to the world, Help!!! I’m being murdered!!!
But which I interpret as, I won’t let you do it! I WON’T!!!
Today is my birthday.
“Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me,” I sing.
He stops screaming and pays attention to my voice, the tears still coming down.
But when I reach the end of the song, he starts winding up for a second round of protest. I switch the melody.
“Oh wow, look at ‘im now, Zuckerman’s famous pig. Sue-y, whaddya see? The greatest hog in history. Fine swine, wish he was mine. What if he’s not so big? He’s some terrific, radiant, humble, thing-a-ma-jig-of-a-pig.”
And just like that, I’ve hypnotized him with Charlotte’s Web (the 1973 version, of course).
I keep singing it until he’s dressed.
Moms put up with a lot.
I think our society kind of knows that.
And then there are moments like these that deserve to be plastered on a Someecards meme that chirps about how rewarding motherhood truly is (Someone pass the wine, it would probably read).
It makes me wonder what it was like to be my mom, mother of five.
For most of my life, I’ve only seen motherhood from the lens of a daughter.
And that lens can be pretty amusing.
This summer while I was cataloging some old photos and taking stock of some mementos, I found my first diary, which my mother purchased for me when I was eight years old.
Within its pastel, scented pages, my writing career began.
I loved this diary.
I wrote in it every single day. And when I was too tired to write, I asked my mother to write about my day. (And she actually did. For that alone, she won Mother of the Year for 1990.)
Cecilia Tjaden: Mother of the Year, 1990
I wrote about such riveting topics like my breakfast, what my siblings did (or didn’t do), and what I learned in school.
Here’s a sample page:
Food. Siblings. Video games. It was a great life.
Here are some gem excerpts and the life lessons we can glean from them.
Lesson # 1: Kids Don’t Appreciate Irony
Sunday, November 11, 1990
Today I got up and went to church. I learned about loving one another. Phillip got two bars of soap in his mouth. DeAnna got one bar of soap in her mouth. Holly made another mark on my Magna Doodle. I had a sluply joe. (sloppy joe) I have to go. Good-by.
Lesson # 2: Kids Don’t Really Understand Pregnancy
Saturday, November 17, 1990
Today, I got up and watched Look Who’s Talking. They showed us what it looks like when you get pregnite. Phillip only needs the red ring in the Legend of Zelda. Mommy came home and she made me stay out of the house for one hour. I had potatoes, stuffing, and turkey. I have to go. Good-by.
Lesson # 3: Kids assume everyone knows what they’re talking about.
Wednesday, November 21, 1990
Today I got up and I had pancakes for breakfast. Annie and I played barbies. I finally got to see Zelda. Gannon was big, ugly, rude, and huge. The only way to see Zelda is to hit the fire. Then, they held two Triforces above their heads. I have to go. Good-by.
Lesson #4: Kids completely miss clues that their parents might be stressed.
Saturday, March 9, 1991
Today, I got up and had to stay in bed. I took the TV in my bedroom and watched cartoons. (not sure how I did that?) Mommy went to work for 10 hours. My temperature was 101.8 today. Mommy might take me to the doctor tomorrow to get a shot. DeAnna felt a lot better today. Mommy paid me $2.00 for babysitting. I’ve got to go now. Good-by.
Lesson # 5: Kids are surprisingly capable creatures.
Thursday, March 28, 1991 (spring break)
Today I got up and get DeAnna dressed. Then I gave her some breakfast. Nate helped me do the dishes. I put on cartoons for Holly and DeAnna. Later, I watched The Price is Right. I had a cherry pie. Mommy came home and said she would have to go to bed. I watched the Simpsons. I have to go. Goodby.
Lesson # 6: Sometimes, kids really don’t see their responsibility.
Saturday, July 19, 1991
Today I got up and went to Howard’s (Pharmacy). I bought some candy cigarettes. Dad almost won all the time when he played Duck Hunt. Mom comes home and blames me, Holly, and DeAnna for the mess. It’s not our fault. Daddy didn’t bother to watch them. First thing, I didn’t even touch the room. Now she blaming it one me. I have to go. By!!
Lesson # 7: Kids can experience hardship as adventure.
Tuesday, July 29, 1991
Today I got up and had to get up. We all walked to the bus stop. We took a bus to Dayton. Then took a bus to Englewood. We got off at Rolling Pin Bakery. On our way back, we stopped at McDonald’s. Then we went to Jo-Ann Fabrics. Then we got on another bus to our house. We had rice for supper. I’ll see you later. I’ve gotta go. Good-by.
Lesson # 8: The World is Just So Unfair!
Friday, February 20, 1992
Today I was waiting for the Science Fair to start. It was from 1:30-3:15. Unforently, I didn’t win. They were all fifth graders. And a kid won 2 times in a row! Katie Owens did a stupid poster and got 3rd place. It’s just not fair!! I wish they had a rule you can’t win twice! Well I better go. Good-by.
So bravo to you, Mom, for hanging in there. Through five kids, unreliable transportation, and the ingratitude of whining children, you persevered.
And thanks for the diary.
I’m pretty sure it was the best gift you ever gave me.