I was supposed to have a January baby. Thought there was no way I would end up giving birth in February.
Just like last time, my expectations for what would happen during this birth didn’t quite pan out.
Like just about everything else in parenthood.
I’ll write about the details later. Not today.
Today, I simply say that life is unpredictable and messy. No matter how much we like to pretend that we have things under control, we very much do not. We don’t like the storms that plow through our neatly plotted lives. They uproot what we’ve planned. They can undo our hard work and make it irrelevant and meaningless.
But a lot of beautiful things can emerge from the storms of our lives.
Years ago, my husband worked in a lasers lab. One day, he told me something interesting about rainbows. The shape of a rainbow is actually a circle, not a semi-circle. If you were to be flying above a rainbow and looking down at it, you would see a circle.
It’s your perspective on land that limits your ability to see the full circle.
When you’re too close to the storm, it’s hard to see the full beauty of the rainbow. It’s hard to see that is has no end. That, like many truths in nature, it goes around and around. Forever.
But the more distance that you gain from a turbulent time, the more you realize that even hope and goodness still abound.
In fact, maybe they exist because of the storm.
For these reasons, I especially like the term “rainbow baby.” A “rainbow baby” is a baby who is born after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss.
Today, we had our own rainbow baby.
February 2, 2017
8 pounds 10 ounces
It’s a funny thing though.
Even though this is the deepest part of winter
Even though the storm of labor has just now passed
And I’m sitting here, holding this flawless face in my arms,
I feel like I’m seeing the whole rainbow.
Not just half of it.
“Do You Realize” by the Flaming Lips
Do you realize that you have the most beautiful face
Do you realize we’re floating in space,
Do you realize that happiness makes you cry
Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes, let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It’s hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn’t go down
It’s just an illusion caused by the world spinning round