“Nausea”

December 2012

The next few weeks suck. Big time.

I lie on the couch day after day throughout my Christmas break watching Braveheart, The Lord of the Rings (all three movies), and Gone with the Wind. I choose these movies because it doesn’t matter if I fall asleep in the middle of them—I know them by heart. And I hate TV right now. Everyone is smiling and laughing as they buy things for Christmas: glitzy Old Navy sweaters, space-age My Little Ponies, and sleek Acuras. All I can think is, I bet those people don’t have nausea all day. I bet they feel fantastic! Look at them! Dancing around! Dancing and prancing around!

Whenever I fill up my glass of water at the refrigerator, I stare at a picture of a friend’s daughter. She teeters on one foot next to a well-decorated Christmas tree.

Is this really worth it? Ugh, it better be.

On the really hard days, I think, We have made a big mistake. Why would anyone do this a second time? How does the human race go on?

Read more excerpts from the book, “Becoming Mother: Narratives of How One Becomes Two”